Day Two--Love is Kind.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. --Proverbs 3:3-4

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

The following is an excerpt from the book that I thought was really interesting and I thought I would share with you! :)

"Kindness" can feel a little generic when you try defining it, much less living it. So let's break kindness down into four basic core ingredients:

• Gentleness. When you're operating from kindness, you're careful how you treat your spouse, never being unnecessarily harsh. You're sensitive. Tender. Even if you need to say hard things, you'll bend over backwards to make your rebuke or challenge as easy to hear as possible. You speak the truth in love.
• Helpfulness. Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. If it's housework, you get busy. A listening ear? You give it. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights. Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met-even if his are put on hold.
• Willingness. Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Instead of being obstinate, reluctant, or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. Rather than complaining and making excuses, you look for reasons to compromise and accommodate. A kind husband ends thousands of potential arguments by his willingness to listen first rather than demand his way.
• Initiative. Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesn't sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first. They don't require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First. 

I realized today, that I really have not been very willing to go out of my way to be "kind" to Zak. Yes, I am nice to him everyday, but by some of the definitions I listed above, I really am lacking in this area. It seems that sometimes we are kinder to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. I really do want to try and make a daily effort to be more "kind" to my husband. Some of the things I did today in an effort to be "kind" were picking up the house a bit before Zak got home, doing some dishes, making one of his favorite meals for dinner and then afterwords let him go do his hobby...work on his truck! Lol. Zak was really happy when he got home today and seemed really happy to see me. He was giving me lots of hugs and kisses and he actually wanted to cuddle with me on the couch for a bit right after he got home...which is unusual for him. :) Zak was very loving today besides what I mentioned already, he rubbed my feet (yay!) and finally got his truck fixed so that I can have my car back!!! (No more sitting at home, all day, every day!!) I don't know whether or not yesterday and today had anything to do with it, but I am very happy with what is going on and can't wait for the next 38 days!

Day One (Again)

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2

See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another. —1 Thessalonians 5:15


The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say  anything. It’s better to hold your tongue that to say something you’ll regret.


Well, today has been much better then my previous attempt, I haven't had any negative thoughts towards Zak at all today. It's been a good day; after he got home we made dinner together and then he went out to work on his truck while I stayed inside to make some Toffee Butter Crunch (YUM)! I'm very excited about tomorrow and continuing on with this challenge. :)

Day One--Love is Patient. (Part Two)

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2

See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another. —1 Thessalonians 5:15


The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say  anything. It’s better to hold your tongue that to say something you’ll regret.


2:30pm---Oh geez, this is going to be way harder than I thought. Things have been pretty good so far, even though Zak let Zoey spill nail polish on the couch, and he broke some of my work out equipment. Those things don't bother me. Yes it's annoying, but no, it's not that big a deal. They are simply materialistic things. The thing that I'm having a really hard time dealing with right now, is the lying. Zak has been out working on his truck for a while so I decided to go out and see how he was doing. Well, the truck is almost fixed, so that's awesome, means I'm one step closer to getting my car back; but the thing I am so frustrated about and having a hard time being patient with is the hidden beer bottle. Which means Zak is hiding his alcohol from me again. Which is NOT good. I don't want things to go back to how they were...not at all. I picked up the beer bottle out of my car and put it in his truck bed and just walked away. Which was extremely hard for me not to say anything, let alone anything negative. I guess I'll just wait for him to bring it up to me, and then I'll have to be calm...and patient. 

Well, after that we went and took Zoey to my dad's for the night. Came back to our house and got ready; Zak and I went to Abby's to get dinner which was super yummy. :) He apologized to me about earlier and things were fine between us...Then we went to the movies and watched Grown ups. We had a really nice time, and that movie was pretty funny. After that, everything was NOT SO FUNNY. I am not going to get into the details, but lets just say that things have changed. I was (for reasons I do not want to discuss) unable to continue on with the dare yesterday....and today was spent with Zak trying to fix the damage done last night. I will try Day One again tomorrow. Starting Monday, with a fresh start.

Day One--Love is Patient. (Part One)

What better day to start my challenge than one where I wake up in a cranky mood? I realize that I cannot let my emotions get in the way of anything if I wish to succeed and follow through with this through the next 40 days. I can't just wake up and decide I'm not going to do it today because I want to bitch everyone out...So I will do the challenge today, and put forth my best effort to succeed. I will write another blog at the end of the day with the days results.

40 Day Love Dare

So a while back, probably almost a year ago, my husband and I watched Fireproof. After seeing the movie and knowing our marriage was in a pickle, I decided to purchase the book at a local store. Well, needless to say, I am a HUGE procrastinator. I still have not gone through the book. So I've decided that I am finally going to dedicate myself to this, and I hope to write my thoughts about each day and each challenge, here in my blog. Along with, of course, anything else that comes to mind. :) I'll entitle each blog with the corresponding day in my challenge that way anyone reading this will be able to easily follow along with my progress (or unfortunately lets hope not), lack of progress. I think that having dedicated myself to the public to do this will give me the motivation I need to stop being (excuse my language) such a lazy ass and do this for my marriage. Now my marriage is doing great right now, things are better than they have been in a realllllllly long time. One might think "Hey, if you were having such a hard time before, why didn't you do this then?" Well, to answer that, for one: it's hard to love someone when they want nothing to do with you, and two: I am, and sure always will be, a procrastinator. But now that things are going well, I want them to stay that way. If this challenge goes as I think it will, I'm hoping it will make my relationship with my husband stronger, and I hope that it will bring my closer to God. I feel that I have fallen a long ways away from him, and I don't know how to get back. I don't even have a clue as to where to begin. So I figure this is as good a step as any.

♥    Wish me luck!

Just a Little Bit.

Well, I have been trying to decide what to write about the last few days, so I've decided to write about everything. This blog is going to be jumping around a lot and not exactly cohesive....lol.

First off, I guess I'll start with cooking. I've been doing really well with planning our meals out and cooking them. Saves the trouble of figuring out what to eat for dinner and also there is less temptation of just going out. Also it gives me the opportunity to cook a little healthier for my family. I've really got into cooking the last year or so, and I absolutely LOVE doing it. I always pull up new recipes I want to try and just go for it. I think it's really fun! This last week I've cooked Honey Chicken Stir Fry with all fresh ingredients, it had three different kinds of peppers, and broccoli and some other things but I can't remember off the top of my head. That was a really healthy dinner though, and it tasted good; even Zoey liked it! Let's see, I also did Tempura one night, we had deep fried burritos another (not as healthy, but REALLY yummy,  LOL). I also made a homemade French Dip which was really good, and for Father's Day, I invited my dad and brother over to eat with Zak, Zoey, and I. I cooked them a whole roasted chicken with homemade mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn and gravy. I think what I'm going to start doing is planning our meals out a month at a time instead of weekly; that way we only have to make one trip to the store instead of 3546541686 a month.

Father's Day was good. Zak was such a sweetheart, he let me sleep in (sort of) and got to go out and work on his truck. He was out there for a good part of the day and Zoey kept running out there telling me she had to go help him. It was super cute! As I mentioned earlier, I invited my Dad and Brother over for dinner that night. I had talked to my dad the day before and he said that my brother stays in his room all day long, sleeps till 3 or 4 in the afternoon and doesn't ever associate with my dad. That makes me really mad. In fact, it fucking pisses me off. My brother is THE laziest person EVER. Anyway, I'll get to that in a little bit, back to Father's Day. So I invited them over and I asked Zak to go to the store for me to get a few ingredients while I started preparing the chicken. He comes back with flowers for me. I thought that was the sweetest thing ever...it's Father's Day, HIS day, and he buys ME flowers. When my dad and brother finally got here dinner was just about ready. After dinner was over, I whipped up a few strawberry shortcakes real quick for dessert and then we went to go relax and talk a bit. It was pretty much just a really good day, got to do some cooking, and got to spend time with my favorite people, my Fam{ILY}.

So back to my brother...he intends on going to online college, moving out and getting a job all within the next two weeks. As a graduation/birthday present, my dad helped him get on his own plan with Verizon Wireless...with the condition that he would get a job and pay for the monthly bill. Well, that was June 3rd. Today is June 24th and my brother has been sitting in his room all day long, every day playing on his damn XBOX. No job, No house, and No money. I honestly think that he thinks my dad will continue paying for his phone, even though my dad said he was going to have it shut off if he didn't have a job within 30 days. My brother is going to get a swift kick in the ass when reality finally catches up to him. I almost (keyword, alllllllllmost) feel bad for him. Cause DAMN that's gonna suck lol. But he sits in his room ALL day, and never ever goes out to talk to my dad or spend time with him. I think it is beyond rude! I think my dad should just kick his ass out. Plain and simple...he's gotta learn you can't bite the hand that feeds you...in other words treat my dad like shit just because he can. It makes me even more angry because my dad is old. Not like falling apart old, but he just turned 63 this year. He's retired and just wants to have a good rest of his life. He shouldn't have to deal with a snotty teenager who won't give him the time of day. Hm, I'm just going to leave it at that, it's just making me angry thinking about all of it.

So back in February, I applied for the FAFSA to get financial aid for school. I've wanted to go to college since before I graduated high school....which was THREE years ago. I FINALLY heard back from RCC (our community college) about a week ago. They said that I was missing a bunch of paperwork and I had until June 28th to turn it in and I might have a chance of getting my financial aid for this term, otherwise I have to wait till Fall term. So I just decided that I'll wait till next term. I am so super duper excited though to finally go back to school, I just hope that it actually happens. I want to be an OB/GYN. I think delivering babies would be wonderful!

I have been without a car for about three weeks now because Zak has had to drive to work everyday and his truck has a blown head gasket that he is in the process of fixing. Well, quite frankly it sucks. I hate walking because my knee  has been really hurting, so I stay home all day, every day. LAME. I noticed the effect that it has had on me though the other day when I was applying for jobs online. I've realized that not having a car has made me unbelievably antisocial. I don't want to go out in public, I don't want to go talk to people, I don't even want to go out and look for an employer. It's absolutely ridiculous. That's not like me at all and I told Zak he HAS to get his truck fixed this weekend, or I'm probably going to go insane. I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed that he get's it done.


I'm really excited for my birthday this year. I finally turn 21 and will be able to drink legally. Not that I drink a lot, but I do have a drink on the weekends if Zoey is at my dads, or if she's asleep. My sister is going to help pay for Zak, Zoey and I to fly down to Arizona. I don't think Zak will be able to go because it's right in the middle of Fire Season, but Zoey and I will probably go. Not sure how that will work though with going out for my birthday. I'm sure my sister has it all planned out, but either way, it'll be nice to get out of this town for a little while.

Hm, well I think that's good for now. Little bit random, little bit off the wall, but definitely a little bit me.

God Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Today I've felt very annoyed. I sometimes think that maybe I let things bother me too much. There should come a certain point in our lives where we are able to just forgive all of those people that have upset us in the past. However, I feel that this...ability is (for now), out of my reach.

As I site here reminiscing about some of the relationships in my life just say, from the last 6 months, it brings up a lot of anger, frustration, and disappointment. I started out the year living with my best friend and her daughter, in our own little "home". Things were awesome, she was a wonderful help to me while I was separated from my husband; had great moral support. She helped me to regain a lot of self confidence. After a while, we had an episode, and it was just too much for me to handle. She blamed me of accusing a man she was interested in for doing some really terrible things. Now that is understandable for a moment, but I explained to her MULTIPLE times that I was simply telling her what I heard...Not passing judgment or actually accusing this man she had her eye on. Nonetheless, she completely refused to listen what I had to say, so I moved out the next morning. Now it has really bothered me the last 6 months (I moved out in January), and I'm having a hard time letting it go and being able to forgive her for getting angry with me for doing something out of my heart to protect her. I'm really disappointed that things turned out this way because she was the best friend I'd ever had--tried to talk to her once since then, but she just ignored me. I know that things would never be the same anyway, but I am just really hurt that she would turn something like that against me...here I was, her best friend, telling her what I heard, just to let her know so she could make her own decision about it, and she FREAKS out. I am just trying to be a good person, let alone friend but she refused to even look at it from my point of view.

Fast forward three months and after a series of seriously crazy events, I meet a really nice young man. Now as a little background information, I have always been able to get along with men better than women, don't know why, but have always had more men friends than women friends. So we start hanging out a lot with his friends and family, and he became my best friend. I'd lend him money occasionally, give him rides and do whatever I could to help him out while he was looking for a job. Basically he was there for me whenever I needed. I relied on him to help keep me strong when it was absolutely necessary; when Zak and I were fighting. As all of this is happening, he tells me he has fallen for me. I told him that I wasn't able to commit to him or anyone else because I didn't even know where my life was going. So we stayed the best of friends and it became more and more difficult to talk with him about Zak as he became more and more attached. I'd always told him that I would be completely honest and upfront when I decided on what to do about seeing anybody. So when I told him Zak and I were getting back together he was, needless to say, very upset. After that, the way he handled everything -in my opinion- was just completely childish and immature. He started ignoring me, being very rude and started treating me like some random girl he met at a party. I just stopped trying to get in contact with him. Obviously, I was hurt and angry by his behavior...this guy was supposed to be my best friend...and here he was, ditching me, when things were finally looking up for me. I can understand he was upset I was getting back with my husband, but he didn't need to just completely stop being my friend. It's been about a month, and he's got a girl now. I'm really happy for him...he deserves to have the best, but I'm disappointed that I could not be there to share in his joy. I'm also still bothered by his behavior...makes me feel like he was only my friend, so he could be my boyfriend. For a man that brags about how respectful he is (and he is Very respectful) he sure let me down on this one. I tried to talk to him about it once, but he kind of just blew me off. I don't talk to him anymore. I don't think that my friendship is there for people to do with what they please. I know that things with him would never be the same either. Heck I would love to have a double date with my husband and his girlfriend...go out shooting guns, or have a BBQ...something...but I know that is just simply not a possibility, because he would still treat me like a I was a ruthless bitch, and I would feel too awkward and uncomfortable the whole time.

Thinking about all of this is really stirring up my emotions. I can't believe I've lost two important people in my life in just half a year. Kind of makes me feel abandoned all over again (Thanks mom, for instilling those feelings in the first place). I don't know when I will be able to get over the loss of these people, or if I ever will. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive them, or myself for letting things get this way in the first place. Hopefully I will be able to, to have that inner peace, that serenity would be simply amazing.