When I Hear Somebody Sigh, ‘Life Is Hard,’ I Am Always Tempted To Ask, ‘Compared To What?'

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about my marriage lately. Trying to remember the good times, but only coming up with not-so-good memories and  remembering the pain. There are multiple reasons I've been doing a lot of reminiscing, but the main one is that in a little over a month, my divorce will be finally over; I'll officially be single again. It's a crazy, crazy thought to think that of all the passion and love I held for one person, it was all for nothing, and now I'm left with a few lessons learned and a healing heart. I'm not complaining, I'm very happy to be moved on and away from such a destructive relationship, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt sometimes. I think something like that will stay with a person for a lifetime. It dramatically affects who you are, and you'll never ever be the same.

"They can live without you."

I read something today that just pulled at my heartstrings; it can be disheartening, yet it's the simple truth.
“Sometimes, when people decide to leave you for good, you have to let them, no matter how much you don’t want them to. There are some things that are far beyond our control. Even if you have the strength to fight for them, you have to accept the cold harsh truth — the people that you can’t live without, can live without you.”

Our "Happy" Family

I think back to a few years ago when it was clear as day that Zak no longer wanted me, yet I was as blind as a bat and continued to fight for something that was obviously over. I fought the fight for both of us, thinking if I held on or tried just a little bit harder, he would love me again, and things would be perfect. Boy, was I wrong! I learned the hard way that “it’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.” We lose the people we love because we are meant to love someone else. We lose them because we are destined to find somebody else. It is a simple fact that is sometimes hard to accept because we are too stubborn to let go of something that doesn’t belong to us anymore.

I sit here and analyze my marriage. I analyze my behavior, my ex's behavior and try to learn how to not make the same mistakes. I don't want to end up in another relationship years from now doing the same thing and making the same mistakes. That would be pure insanity. After Zak and I first split up, even this last time, I had needed to know that I meant something, anything to him. But what I got was nothing, absolutely nothing. And it’s funny the things you realize when someone walks away. At first you feel as though it’s your fault. Feeling like nothing, so close to falling apart. And then, in time, you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong. That it’s his loss. You live and you learn, that’s how it is. Now, I try to be a better person everyday and make strides in evolving and changing my destructive habits-one baby step at a time. After all, I've got my whole life ahead of me! I guess I might as well just enjoy the ride and let life lead me by the hand.