What are we doing here? How are we supposed to know what the right thing to do is?
My mind is constantly churning and analyzing life, situations, myself, my choices and other people.
I am beginning to feel lost. What is the right choice? What is the right answer? Am I even doing the right thing? Am I setting a good example for my daughter? Where is the fine line between being a good parent and being my own person; having my own separate identity? Where do my expectations and ideals come from? Invented by a soul so fragile it needed them for survival I'm sure.
While I don't have the strength, courage, or want to believe in a higher power that knows what is best for me, I feel I need to come in touch with my soul. To connect and have some sort of inner peace. My mind is stricken with questions that remain unanswered. The anxiety I feel on a daily basis is becoming more difficult to control. I feel if I don't remain steadfast on my life journey and remain constantly busy, the possibilities of what could happen are endless. What if I lose control and everything falls apart again? What is currently holding me together? I don't know. I feel at any moment everything could change and I will be back where I started.
I read something today about success. It went something like this: success is not measured by how much we have or who we know but rather it should be measured by how far we have come.
I fear failure. While there is a big part of me that continually strives for perfection, I am aware that this goal is completely unattainable. I am not sure if I could handle my life completely and utterly falling apart again. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
I suppose I just need to have faith in myself and stop second guessing my own choices. Every single one I've made has been for a specific reason, unconsciously known or not. Sometimes though, I just need that little bit of reassurance that I'm headed in the right direction. It makes me feel safe.
1 comments:
I think you came to healthy conclusion in that last paragraph. Fearing failure is natural, and it's that fear that motivates us to try to make the right decisions in life.
Don't look at your past as a series successes and failures. If you were walking down a path in the woods, and took a fork that led somewhere undesirable, that's not a failure, but a learning opportunity.
Those who take the most forks, have had the most chances to figure out what works and what doesn't. They know better than others what they like, and what matters to them.
One of the (many) reasons I think you are so beautiful is because you have chosen to LEARN from the choices you've made in you life. So many people don't. We start out in life knowing nothing, and even by the time we're "adults" there is so much we are still figuring out. Keep learning. That's all we can ask for and count on.
It doesn't matter how many times you walk down that street and fall into the hole, as long as the conclusion is: learning to choose another street.
Post a Comment