A New Beginning.

Well, yesterday I left my husband.


I feel many emotions, and it's hard to sort through them sometimes, but I know this is the best decision I have made for me and Zoey in a Long time. I was tired of being the only one trying to make things work. Telling him every day.."Hey, this isn't working, I need you to do something...anything. Put in some kind of effort." I was tired of being disrespected on a daily basis. Basically I was tired of being treated exactly the same way it was before we split up last time; like a Doormat. One thing our breakup taught me last time, was what I deserve, and what I will not tolerate. I know that I do not deserve to be treated in such a way.

Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. - Sarah Ban Breathnach

I found this quote the other day, and it makes me realize that, had we stayed split up a few months ago...I would not have been ready to be single, not as able to handle things that needed to be taken care of. I still wanted to be with Zak. I still loved him...hated him for the way he was acting, but still loved him. Now, things are completely different. I do not love Zak. He will always have a place in my heart, yes, but I do not love him. I am very excited to be on my own, and actually, for the first time in my life...I feel I can accomplish and earn ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I've ever wanted. I believe that now. It doesn't just sound like hollow words anymore. I don't intend on jumping right back out there and dating. I just want to enjoy my time with Zoey and let her know as much as possible that Mommy and Daddy still love her..That it was NOT her fault at all. I hope that someday she will know how much I want her to understand that.

I am really trying to stay positive when it comes to Zak and Zoey. Honestly, I don't think he will be around too much. I think he will for a while, and then I think he'll get caught up in being a 22 year old single male-Partying, Drinking, Drugs, etc. Because that's exactly what he did last time...the only difference now, is how much he said he wanted to see her. Once a week, and every other weekend. Last time it was every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.  I am not going to get my hopes up, because I know I am only going to be disappointed. If he does stay in her life, even better, I really hope he does, because I know what it feels like to have a parent abandon you...and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

There is no going back this time.

"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice...shame on me."

I learned my lesson this time. There is no going back, nor would I ever Want to go back. Things would never be the same, trust would never be repaired, hearts would never be healed. I can't wait for my new life to really begin. I am working on healing myself, restoring my self confidence, building trust for society, and achieving what I set my mind to. I hope to look back someday and say, that was THE best learning experience of my life; yes it was hurtful, but I wouldn't take it back for anything.

So here's to the beginning of a new chapter, the beginning of a better, happier life.

I bid you Adieu, old one.