Blahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Today is crappy. I am trying very hard not to feel sorry for myself. I am happy I'm not with Zak anymore, but I am upset and my mind just won't stop thinking. "Why did he stop loving me?" "Am I just unlovable?" "What did I do wrong?" etc. Even though I don't want to be with him, it still hurts to know that someone doesn't love you anymore. I am trying to stay positive. I am trying to stay busy. Today is just blahh, but tomorrow will be very busy...so many errands to run, so many places to go. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, but I know that I need to stay strong for Zoey. I force the smile on my face and I tell her I love her about a million times a day. She is everything. I am doing this for her too. WE are going to have an AWESOME life. I just have to get started. I need to go beg for a job tomorrow. I feel like a labor intensive job would be best for me right now, I'll get my mind off of things, get a work out, make some money...and I won't have to deal with the public. So many stupid little things keep making me tear up, it is absolutely ridiculous. I have to stop thinking about the past or what could have been and focus on what I know will be. It will take time and patience. But I will be okay. We will be okay. In fact, we will be better than okay, we will be GREAT. 


Failure feelings - fear, anxiety, lack of self-confidence - do not spring from some heavenly oracle. They are not written in the stars. They are not holy gospel. Nor are they intimations of a set and decided fate which means that failure is decreed and decided. They originate from your own mind. - Maxwell Maltz